What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
