Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
