So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is Oprah even human
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
