she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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