i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
