Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
