that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
