I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
