I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
