I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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