Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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