I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
