Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
