I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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