Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
