Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
