dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Semen is not good for contacts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
