She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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