i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
