he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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