I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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