Your dad touched me again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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