She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
