So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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