Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
