i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
