I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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