Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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