I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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