Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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