I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
