I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
