Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
