I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
