I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
