he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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