so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
