Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
