Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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