i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
