She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You are a genius and a whore.
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