I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
