so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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