Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
