We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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