I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
