TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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