Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
