You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
