she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love you. Go after that dick
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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