if only i could text you this smell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have aggressive nipples.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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